A club in Sunnyside Pretoria erupted into pandemonium recently after a 24 year old Thobile, while under the influence of an explosive cocktail of drugs and alcohol, pooped on the dance floor.
“She just started prancing about while painting the whole floor with a series of watery kak, surprisingly she kept dancing as if nothing had happened,” says the manager of the venue. “I was across the room, talking with the bartender when I noticed what was happening.”
The dance floor was crowded at the time of the incident. Party goers near Thobile soon found themselves slipping and sliding through her brown ‘river’.
“I was walking towards the bar to buy some hunters dry for me and my girlfriend when I noticed three people fall down in front of me. When they got up, their arms and shirts were soaked and nasty looking. One of the guys who got up sniffed his arm and within seconds of doing that, he vomited all over himself”
Said Vusi, a 19 year old boy from North West who was visiting Pretoria for his birthday.
“Other people just kept on vomiting. It was all over the floor, which caused other dancers to slip and fall. I turned to go back to my girlfriend, but someone behind me grabbed my shoulder for support as they were falling down, and i went down with them as well. When I hit the ground, I could feel that my pants were wet. I was sitting in vomit. I got up as best as I could without touching the floor, but I still managed to get a handful on my hand and arms. I’m surprised I didn’t vomit, because everyone else was.”
“Thobile was still dancing like nothing had happened. Everyone around her was on the floor, covered in vomit and poop, yelling and screaming and freaking out, and she was just bopping her head, oblivious to it all, trapped in some sort of drug fueled alternate reality” says another club goer.
“I was in a state of shock. No one can prepare a club owner for a situation like this. It was like a war zone. The vomiting was contagious. Within minutes of that idiot crapping on the dance floor, there must have been twenty or thirty people vomiting all over themselves and each other in my club. The place stunk of shit and human failure.”
The paramedics were called, and the bouncers cleared the dance floor.
“I closed the club early, but I don’t know if i’ll ever open it again. Not without a serious overhaul. Thobile ruined my club. From now on, it will forever be associated with kak people vomiting all over each other.”